No longer an old fogie...

Life has been fairly intense lately. I work a lot. And to be quite honest, I have felt like a failure. A lot of people keep asking me what classes i am taking and how can i juggle school and work. I hate telling them that I am not in class right now. I hate telling people I am probably going back in the spring. I really dont know that at all. I dont know anything actually.
I hate feeling as if my world could have been a lot different if I had stayed in GA. Or had I stayed in school. Or gone to Guilford. I am so thankful I have come to Birmingham. I am so blessed with great friends. But honestly, I still wonder. I wont pretend that I dont wonder.
I guess I dont consider myself a failure as much as I am a little disappointed in myself. The other day in starbucks, a friend of mine was telling two people to not worry about their future and their major because I was 22 and STILL didnt know what I wanted to do. I want to be happy. Thats what I want to do. I want to live care free and be happy. I want to take each day by the horns. I want to do the best I can at everything that I put effort towards. Thats my goal in life. It took a lot of guts for me to stop and breathe for a little while. And to be honest, again, I am proud of myself.
I have avoided most situations that result in anxiety attacks. I am avoiding friends and people who cause anxiety attacks. I am living a little more spontaneously and I love it all.

In fact, Marty and Andrew and I took off Thursday night for Marietta. We stayed in a hotel and just lived on the edge for a bit. "This is going to seperate us from being old fogies and young and spontaneous," Marty said. So we did it. We left for Marietta at 10:30 Thursday night and laughed for roughly 24 straight hours. It was remarkable. It was so awesome to see, in front of me, two of my awesome friends. Sure we laughed a lot, but they are highly supportive people and it was so incredible to see that in action.

The support and tangibilty of friendships has been highly present lately. I like it a lot. I like have that blessing of friendship that I can actually see.

So lately, I have been blessed and stressed. I have felt like a failure and succeeded all at the same time. I have gotten the sense of letting myself down. And at the same time. I feel as if I have grown so much as a person.