I went to sloss today.

i have had a lot of built up energy. I went to sloss to break some stuff. I dont know whats wrong. Honestly, I think I have anxiety problems. I think that exlains being tired, tension and the sleep walking. regardless... i went to sloss and took pictures and broke some glass...Sloss is so beautiful.

I think this walk way is gorgeous. I dont know why I like all the pipes and the wooden walk way. But I do.

Will gave me a glass from starbucks that was cracked.

I really did enjoy the day. I still have a lot of anxiousness but I dont know how to get rid of it. I was going to paint on the roof and be destructive, but it is raining so nevermind that. I have been chewing a lot of gum instead.

So much has happened.

I haven't written in quite some time. A lot has been going on though.

Matt and Carla got married last night and it was the prettiest wedding I have ever been to. Seeing two of your best friends glorifying God was so amazing. Marriage is such a great expression of the Love Christ has for us. I know they love each other so much and their wedding is going to be so blessed. I am so excited for them. When Carla walked down the aisle, matt was glowing. It made me smile. We prayed over the two of them, and that is when I started to cry a little. It was a beautiful wedding. remarkable bride and groom. remarkable wedding.

I am exhausted. I went to bed and woke up at 12:30. Holy crap. I have never slet this much in my life. I really think i may need to get something checked out. i used to sleep 8 hours and wake up. now i sleep 12 hours if i can and want to go back to bed. ugh.

i need some lunch.

my new rental car is awesome...

seriously. it is awesome.
all of the rental cars in birmingham are taken. seriously. all they have left is this awesome 2007 Dodge Ram. It may be the biggest car EVER!
It is honestly twice as big as my pathfinder. it could eat c small child OR a car!

look...

i danced a lot.

I hope you know...

I have had an interesting day. I started with amazing, but then i realized it was just the way i felt right now. Interesting sums up the day. Amazing sums up my attitude as of this moment.
The day started with a text message at 5:20. Sri asked where I was meeting him this morning for work. The parking lot? or the alley next to the store? I told him and sprung out of bed. My alarm did not go off this morning, so I now had ten minutes to get ready and to the store. Apparently Sri forgot it was Saturday and got to the store at 4:55. whoops. I was a little late because I could not find my keys. So we opened up quickly, laughed a lot, and just had a grand ol' time. It was a great day. Positive morale in the morning kind of sets the tone for the rest of the day. Kind of.So Marty, at work, decides that he wants a camera like mine as well. Granted, he has several, and he will probably never touch it after a week. So, I told him that I would go to Best Buy with him and to the Birmingham Museum of Art with him and Megan. Before I could do that, I needed a case for my camera. So I called Andrew and asked him if he wanted to go with me. It took him a long time to call me back but he agreed to do so. I told him I would drive. I didn't know how my wrecked car would handle the rain, but I wanted to know and I wanted someone to be there. I didnt tell him that, I just said I would drive. Well, turns out it doesn't drive well. First, my passenger side door doesnt open. Then, something is rubbing up against the tire and made them lock up. Awesome.
Regardless, I got the case and a new card, and I headed home. In the car, Andrew confessed that he wished he had never stayed this summer. He thinks that he stayed for dumb reasons. While I understnad where he is coming from, at the same time, I kept feeling crappy. I wasnt a reason he stayed. I wasnt a reason he wanted to leave. I was nothing. I didnt plug in to the equation at all. It never crossed his mind. Nothing did. And somehow, that tends to make things worse. When you get your heart hurt but people dont know it. I shouldnt have felt this bad, but I did.
I got home and sulked. Marty made sure I was still coming. The museum was so great.

I enjoyed it tremendously even though Megan and Marty kind of kept wandering off and leaving me. We continued on to Best Buy and to World Market where I got left again. Finally, we made it home.
I wont go in to details, but I was lied to a couple of times. The thing is, I dont really care what you are doing or where you are going. I hate being lied to. More than anything, I hate KNOWING that I am being lied to. Then, on top of that, trying to cover your lie. I would rather you never mention it then to justify or fix your lie. Especially, when it is uneccessary to begin with.
So I sat at home for a while and made some dinner. I ate and just kind of lounged around.
After a while, Jerett and I both got very bored. We kept trying to come up with things to do. Ohio and the beach got ruled out quickly. The Park and Oak Mountain didnt last long. Then Jerett decided on the Cheesecake Factory. Amazing choice I must say. We got there and had to wait for a long time, but we just talked and caught up. All we wanted was cheesecake. Eventually, after maybe 45 minutes to an hour, we were seated.
We decided on our cheesecake and both of us got a drink. It was great. No one ever called and asked us what we were doing. No one seemed to acknowledge the fact that we were gone, but that didnt seem to bother us until it his 10:10 and we had been gone for roughly two and a half hours.
So we made a decision to find new friends. The ones we have now dont seem to match our standards, obviously, so we are working on new ones.

With all that being said, hanging out with Jerett was a lot of fun. Cheesecake was superb. Coffee Kahlua was yummy. And now I feel Amazing

My About Me Book...

Ashley convinced me to make an About Me Scrapbook kind of thing.
I like it a lot. I tried to branch out and embellish it but I wasnt very successful.

Oh Crappy day...

this is what my car looks like now. I went to get it check out. They said they couldnt give me an estimate until I knew what the insurance people said. great. I asked the guy if he could just look at it. He said it was probably totaled. YAY! This sucks. I cant drive very far on this car. I doubt I get a new car because the cost of getting a new car is far more than getting it fixed on our own. so piss. I want to say a lot of bad words. just look...

I have a white robe.

Ashley and I are sitting here discussing the bible. I miss discussions. I think I want to start a in depth study with a few friends. While I love reading myself, i think that often times we learn by feeding off of each other.

I was telling Ashley one of my favorite verses. Revelation 7 paints an amazing picture of heaven. Paul describes the tribes and nations standing before the throne of God singing praises to their savior.

After these things I looked, and behold, a great multitude which no one could count, from every nation and all tribes and peoples and tongues, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, and palm branches were in their hands; and they cry out with a loud voice, saying, "Salvation to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb." And all the angels were standing around the throne and around the elders and the four living creatures; and they fell on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying, "Amen, blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might, be to our God forever and ever Amen."Then one of the elders answered, saying to me, "These who are clothed in the white robes, who are they, and where have they come from?"I said to him, "My lord, you know." And he said to me, "These are the ones who come out of the great tribulation, and they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. For this reason, they are before the throne of God; and they serve Him day and night in His temple; and He who sits on the throne will spread His tabernacle over them."They will hunger no longer, nor thirst anymore; nor will the sun beat down on them, nor any heat; for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes."

When I first read this passage, I imagined everyone in heaven shouting these words. It sounded beautiful in my head. The only thing that was wrong: It was all in English. When I was in Costa Rica, at church, people were singing praises in Spanish. People were singing praises in English. It sounded chaotic. It sounded glorious. I loved it. That's what heaven will be: A Beautiful Chaos!

I am looking forward to it. As Ashley and I continued to talk about it, she mentioned how God is constant communication with us. I think I forget that sometimes. I think I forget that God is always trying to reach for me. I think I forget to answer when he calls me. Sometimes, I just dont hear my phone ringing. Sometime I know my phone is ringing and I just don't have time. Is it possible that I do the same thing with God. Maybe I just dont make time for God. Why don't I? What is keeping me from the constant communication that I should be striving for? What is keeping me from the worship I could be having?

Do i forget that Christ has washed my robe white? I still struggle with anxiety attacks. I just keep it pretty quiet. But I forget that I don't need to struggle. I forget that God has things worked out for me. While the unknown scares me half to death, I know that everything I do will be for the glory of God. I know that everything I do is to better his kingdom. I know everything i do SHOULD be to better his kingdom. The sun will not beat down on me. That is awesome. So what makes me so anxious. Besides the obvious. What makes me so worried about the unknown. What makes me uneasy with the thought that God knows and I dont.

Perhaps I should tattoo this verse on my wrist. Perhaps I should look at this every day and remind myself that with Christ, I no longer have to be thirsty. I dont have to hunger. The sun doesnt beat down on me. He has washed my robe clean and the tears have been wiped from my eyes. My God is fair and just. And while I struggle like every other human being, maybe I just dont have to do it alone.

A bit of rambling

Today has definitly been quite an eventful one. It started with delaying my alarm. when it went off the second time, i jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed. I got in my car and forgot that it was so jacked up. I remembered when I went to turn left and my car made a horrendous noise.

work was nice though. Matt is handing over the reigns of his summer success captain hood. So Sri and I had a metting to discuss things. While I love responsibilty, it stresses me out at the same time. I feel like I have so many personal errands I need to run and now I have a lot of work related errands. My wreck kind of ruined things though.

I want to go on a road trip. I know this is random, but I really want to take a few weeks out and just drive. I wish gas wasn't so expensive. But seriously, I think I may take some time out. I want to go up to Seattle and Portland. It is such a perfect time of the year.

look at that. it is amazing.

Andrew and I talked about going on a road trip. He doesnt have time. In reality, I dont really have time either. It is nice to pretend though. I am a pretender.

I think I am going to buy a new camera. Canon PowerShot

See. Look How pretty.

I am just tired of a bulky camera. I think I would take more pictures if I had one for convenience. So seriously, I know it seems follish and a waste, but I may get it soon.

My foot hurts. I think it is a little swollen. I need to go get it checked out again. It was starting to feel okay and then the wreck really hurt it again. Everyone says it isnt swollen, but i think it is. I can't even move my toes very well.

I get to hang out with Dusti tomorrow. I haven't seen her in a while. I do feel awkward sometimes though. Like maybe she is mad because I am such good friends with Carla. I am sure she isn't. Maybe it is self consciousness. Regardless... I have missed her.

lovely.

That is all for right now. Oh... and I think I am going to start my full quilt tomorrow. It is gonna rock!

In the beginnings...

This is the first post in my new blog. I am pretty excited.
I write a lot, but i rarely write to blog. I guess it is worth a shot.

I might post a few short stories every once and a while. That is, if I don't delete them.
I am pretty excited about this.

I have recently returned from a trip to Costa Rica and I loved it. I don't think people realize how much I want to go back. Honestly, I want to go back for a few months. I developed some great friendships with the people of Costa Rica and some people in the States. I want to start kissing people on the cheek. It's funny. The people don't just kiss the side. They full fledge kiss your cheek. The respect each other so much there. They treat each other like the brothers and sisters we all are. It was just so great to really see the love of Christ shining through people.



Currently, as far as life goes, I am just trying to figure out each individual day. For so long, I have searched for what the future holds. Now, I am really focusing on what today holds. I have thought briefly, about seminary. I don't know if it is a thought that will stick or if it will fade, but regardless, it is there and I accept it. I have also contemplated the idea if creative writing and literature.

The future scares me half to death and having to deal with it is painfully exhausting.
I took a break from school for a while because these decisions were giving me panic attacks. I have gotten a lot better, but I still have them.

I am pretty bad about not sharing my feelings with very many people. This means that it comes out via short stories and prose. This also means that when things are discovered I get hassled about them. I think I just don't want to bother people with my problems. I do have my select friends that I share most everything with. I think my main complaint is that I don't feel the need to call them as soon as something happens. Maybe I should. I do call people with good news. I do call my friends when something funny happens. But, I don't know.

So, that is what I am dealing with. I work a lot. I laugh a lot. I read a lot. I like puzzles. I like crosswords. I like crafts. I like my cat. I like peaches.

that is it for now.