Grounded in...

I pinky promise this blog is not directed towards anyone, even though several of you are going to feel that I am talking about you.

I've been dealing with a lot of personal issues lately. I talked to my parents about it a lot today. What I realized was that it isn't the fact that people talk behind my back that bothers me. As someone mentioned before, a lot of people do it. I think it is the fact that for a year or so, I have felt judged. Judged by my friends. By friends that act like my friend to my face. Some of them take words that define me and use them in a negative connotation to tear me down. That is what is offensive.
For the past year or so, I have seen people that "love me" and "love other people" tell me that they don't accept some things about me. That hurts. But rather than just letting it go, I find out from other people. This is what hurts. This is what tears me away from Christianity. It has taken me a while to realize all of this. Until I stopped to think, "I am not a fundamentalist Christian." That is where we differ. While our views on who wrote the Bible, the fact that the Bible stays the same but society changes, woman in the church, and homosexuality may be different from each other, one thing should be grounded. LOVE.
Christianity was about love. That is all. We are called to love people. We are called to accept people. We are called to serve and help people. Everything else can move. But the Bible will no longer be a tool of helpfulness if it is being used to condemn and hate. Off my high horse.

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I am about to start volunteering at the Birmingham Crisis Center. I have felt this strong calling to do so. I am really excited about this. I think a lot of people in society feel a sense of lonesomeness and I really want to show them they aren't alone. I hope everything works out for the best.

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I dont have much else to say, except that I should probably sleep. I have to work in the morning.

New glasses!

I got my new glasses today. I look like a doof in this picture, but thats ok. I really like them. I cannot take very good pictures of myself. haha. The more I look at this picture, the more i detest it. I love these glasses though. i don't think I realized how much I couldn't see. My prescription has changed a lot. You forget, even only after a few days, what you used to be able to see. Trees look so nice now.

Friday is totally free today!
I am going to see a dollar movie tonight. One of my favorite activities. I plan on smuggling lots of candy in. One of my OTHER favorite activities. hee hee.

I found out someone was talking about me, my political views, and my general relationships with people in a sort of negative way. It was slightly alarming.

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Dog Park.

I haven't posted these yet.
Just thought I would throw a couple out there.

I am going to make some small wallet type thing for my Starbucks Passport and green apron cards. I need to design it though. I am really excited though. I think it is gonna be super cute. i will post pictures when I am finished.
I want to ramble on and on about some things about work. A part of me just needs someone to listen. I dont want advice. I just want to complain. haha.

My creative juices have been brewing lately. I think it may be a mixture of the Spring air and just bottled up energy. I havent had any form of a creative outlet. I am about to start planting vegetables. We have lettuce, squash, zucchini, carrots, bell peppers, tomatoes, green beans, broccoli, and some herbs. I am so excited. I am about to start turning the ground behind the fence behind the house. I think it will be a great place for a little vegetable garden. I am really excited.

I also have a lot of energy to paint. I have been wanting to make this collaged face. I also really want to finish the face on my wall. It has no continuity. My next off day, which at this point seems slightly non existent, will consist of these things. I need some alone time. Only, unlike last Sunday, I want it to be productive. Last Sunday, I watched several lifetime movies, cried, and ate junk food. It was lovely. But now I need a different form of therapy.

Thats all for now.
I will leave you with this...

Clouds in my coffee

I got new glasses. My others broke this morning. This picture is kind of small, but they are red and fade to a violet. I like them a lot.
http://www.laeyeworks.com/catalogFrames/frame.php?m=PERCY&c=METAL
It was pretty tragic. Joon had chewed on them before. Last Friday, I called Schaefer and set up an appointment for Thursday. I called today to see if they could bump that up at all. So I went in today to get tested and get new glasses. I had to live blind for about a week. yaaaay.



There is also a shooting pain in my back. I like to think it has something to do with the pain in Marty's back. Sympathy pains maybe. Who knows.
So with that, stress, glasses and other things, I had an awful hour this morning.
But my mom came in to town. Marty, Andrew and I hung out. We shopped, ate ice cream, and went to dinner. Then mom and I went to see Spamalot. HILARIOUS. I have not laughed that much in ages.


On other notes, I saw "For the Bible Tells Me So" not long ago. It was a phenomenal film. I wish everyone would see it. It made me laugh and it made me cry. To think there are people so cold hearted like this. I would rather not get in to the debate, but I will say this. We are called to love people. And for us to hate each other for things like this - wrong. I talked to both of my parents about the matter. I told my mom that I know she would love me unconditionally no matter what. I asked her, "How could a parent just STOP Loving their child?" She seemed baffled as well. Watch the trailer for the movie. It is slightly alarming. While I find myself fairly well educated on the fact, I found myself being so much MORE educated. I am not going to preach. I really just want people to watch this movie.

http://www.forthebibletellsmeso.org/index2.htm



"There's nothing wrong with a fifth grade understanding of God... if you're in fifth grade."

"Fear does terrible things to a society."

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Alabama Power Update.

I got a letter from Alabama Power yesterday.
Things have been resolved.
From April 2005 to March 2008, I have been paying the bill for the downstairs apartment. That has totaled $5223.66
I should been paying $3083.76

Alabama Power is cutting me a check for $2139.76

I am smiling pretty big right now.

I think I am most excited because it means that my power bill is less than normal. AND... it means my conservation efforts are working.

In other news, I have been sitting on the couch watching movies most of the day. Someone like you, In Her Shoes, Mr. Hollands Opus. I have no shame. I have needed this. Joon and Max and I are just hanging out. I am quite content.

Today is a new day!

I had an awful day yesterday. Seriously. On top of working yesterday from 7am to 10:30 pm, (minus a brief 11-1 period) yesterday was just kind of miserable. I felt like some people treated me poorly. I felt like some people walked all over me. I felt like I wasn't respected. And... at 12 yesterday afternoon, our power was shut off.
I thought I was going crazy. I kept checking to make sure I paid the bill. I kept checking to make sure it went through. I called Alabama Power and reported it. No one ever called me back. I had since assumed it had been resolved.
Well, after my long day at work, I came home and found my apartment black. There is usually a small glow through the house from tiny lights. The small green lights from a computer. The light from a clock. The glow from the tiny lights on the tv. The tiny microwave lights. Nothing. None of that was on. It was awful. While I wasn't exactly filled with exorbitant amounts of energy, I couldnt go straight to bed. I told someone one day I could live like a farmer. I could get up when the sun came up and go to sleep when the sun went down. Hardly!
I took Joon on a long walk. I had my iPod singing in my ear. And Joon and I went off. As I was coming back up, I had that overwhelming since of sadness. I lit some candles, and I crouched in the corner of my apartment to try and get online with AP again. I was sitting in bed... in the dork. I wanted to read. I wanted to have some sort of light. I flipped out on the phone with Andrew. People lived without power before, but not at 12 at night. Finally someone called me.
I wont go in to detail, but basically, my downstairs neighbors forgot to pay a bill. They were supposed to have their power cut off. Andy called when he found a notice on the door. He told them his power was still on and he had this awful feeling that ours was cut off instead.
Well, in the process of everything getting back on, we discovered that the meters were switched. THAT explains why mine was cut rather than his. Do you know what else this means. It means that for THREE YEARS, I have been paying the wrong bill. It means that for three years, when I was turning off lights, installing solar lights, opening windows instead of using the AC, turning things off night, and just all around conserving, I wasn't getting anything out of it. It means that When there were four boys living underneath me, I was paying their bill. it means that when they didn't have gas, and they were heating their apartment will the OVEN (which runs off electricity) I was paying for it. When they were leaving their lights on... I was paying for it.
Alabama Power claims they are going to do some sort of credit, but honestly, what can they do?
I am so furious.

My dream...

It is weird how the past week has led me to discover my actual dream.

Through the past week, I have been discussing with countless people about how the world has lost its love and compassion for people. We don't love people any more. We don't offer rides to our brothers and sisters. I will be honest, I didn't want to be part of Christianity anymore. I didn't want to associate myself with a religion that preaches about love but laughs at their neighbor. I didn't want to be a hypocrite. I didn't want people to think I was one of them. I, for a while, had lost all hope in humanity. Christianity, Christ, was about love. Christianity without love is just a theology study. A book club.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. (1 John 4:7-12)

Yeah, we say we care for those who suffer, but do we know about the people suffering down the street from us. Do we understand the concept of homelessness? Do we understand what it is like to be unable to pay bills? How many of us have struggled to make ends meet? I don't. I haven't. I don't even get it. But I will tell you this: I live in the middle of downtown Birmingham. Poverty and homelessness exists not far from my house. I see it. But I fail to understand it. I fail to do anything about it.
Last night, I went to the Tunnel of Oppression at UAB. If you went, I am so glad. If you didn't, I ask you to go next year. It was a phenomenal experience. I think a lot of us know what it is like to be made fun of.
The tunnel went through such groups as international students, poverty, disabilities, LGBT, STI's, addictions, racism, and a room of HOPE. All of these rooms put you in situations that kind of made you feel uncomfortable. They challenged everyone to reflect on their actions. While I cannot say I openly make fun of poor people or homosexuality, I can honestly say that I do not understand it.
So what did all of this, and the past week mean?
Well let me preface it with this. When I lived in Marietta, I used to volunteer at a place called MUST ministries. It was a place that brought in homeless people and gave them an actual place to stay. Sure, there were limited beds, but their goal was not to be a shelter. They wanted to pick people up and give them a means for climbing out of a hole.
When people get so low, they begin to beat themselves down. I want to work to open a place that does this. I want to bring people in and give them clean clothes, fresh meals, job skills, and help them find a job. There are a lot of shelters in Birmingham. And I think they are amazing. But the problem is that after one night, they are back on the street.
So this is my goal: To provide a place for people who need help and refuge.
But I need help. I need people. I need hearts. I need love. All of these politicians are talking about HOPE and CHANGE, but where is it?
So who wants to help me? Clothes? Fresh cooked meals? Beds? Sheets?
I am serious. I am about to email MUST and ask them how they got started. I will open this place. Maybe not in this year, but soon. Love is the only thing that will bring humanity up from out of the ground. Love is the only thing that will clean up a city. Hope is useless without love.

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. " - Ghandi