Wow. So i haven't written in a while. But reading everyone else's blog made me want to write again. I continue to find myself highly introspective. I have been reading Zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance. It is a phenomenal book. I am thoroughly enjoying it.
I think it has taught me, so far, to stop and listen. It doesn't seem to be an actual theme in the book. I think primarily it is about taking things one step at a time. The father in the book constantly attempts to teach his son things: motorcycle maintenance, stories, theories. I find myself listening more because of this. Not just to my father. But to people. And the outside world. Even with it being so cold outside, I find myself standing outside and listening to the wind. I kind of wonder what it is saying.
It is funny, because I went to see August Rush at the dollar theater tonight. I loved it. The little boy, standing in the midst of New York City chaos, finds himself listening to all of the sounds that surround him. He hears it as music. I wonder if we all took the time to close our eyes and listen to the world around us, what would it say? Perhaps the song you hear is the same as someone else. I do think that nature and music call people and bring them together.
With all this being said, I have felt so spiritual lately. Not necessarily religious, but spiritual. Drew suggested I re-read Busy Backson in the Tao of Pooh. I actually found myself referencing it to Marty. I think he needed to hear it. I think I needed to hear it. I tell myself to listen more. And I know that I do, but I think it is important to remind myself. Between the Tao of Pooh, my current book, and some of my current beliefs, I have myself questioning other things. I find it actually hard to talk about. I have discussed it with a few people.
I think I am lacking a purpose in life. I may be searching for a meaning. I have a relationship with Christ. Even though at this moment I find myself distant from him. I had been looking in other things, not for answers, but satisfaction. I know the word of God is true and applicable. I don't think I can really explain this to anyone. Is it my job to go around saving people? Why do we even use the term save? Non-Christians hate us for that. That gives them the impression that they are doomed. Is it my job to make them believe. Or is it my job to know who Christ was and is and reflect is love on others? Is it my job to tell you're sinning? I think the more important thing is this: Christ led an amazing life. He taught great lessons. maybe we should focus on those.
I stopped going to church for a while. I could stand the hypocrisy anymore. I will say it. I couldn't stand having friends that talked about me behind my back. I didn't like having friends assume I was a bad Christian because of the people I associated with. I won't be a part of a religion like that. I won't do it. I can't.
The Bible teaches amazing lessons. Taoism teaches amazing lessons. I continue to have a personal relationship with God. He knows my hopes and fears. But as for now, I focus on peace and taking things one step at a time. I focus on conservation and the earth. Humanity and joy. Love. Isn't that what Christianity was founded on? Love. Isn't THAT the most prominent word in the Bible? But where is that in our hearts. The slander that exists amongst us disgusts me. The idea that non believers hate Christians because of their hypocrisy bothers me. I just don't like being a part of that. I attempt to be a voice and face of change. But talking about the very people you should be loving is truly awful. Forcing yourself to love them may be worse. Love is not something you cross off your To Do List. Love is a life style.
I finally said it. Maybe it just took some fingers to the keyboard to get it out. I discussed all of this with Andrew before. I just don't think God will hate me for this. I don't think God will disown me for wanting to find peace in my life. I don't think this will affect my faith in God. It is my faith in humanity that is suffering - not my faith in Him.
I went off on one long tangent, didn't I?
I mean, I could have continued about how people who claim to be earth loving, organic using, eco-friendly people aren't doing any good by consistently using bottled water. But that is an entirely different tangent for another day. Maybe tomorrow. haha.
